Do we ever find the right solution if we never ask the right question? How do we learn to ‘question’ things correctly? What are the 'right' questions for personal growth? How do you use journaling to create emotional stability?
Does our tone of questioning, determine our feelings?
The initial temperament we question a situation is the expression of our feelings. So, if we question how we are questioning it, we can find a way that helps rather than explodes the situation out of hand.
I was a confused little girl, I never felt like I got a straight answer out of an adult. The bilingual thing and taking everything in literally did not help because each word had two meanings, and each language had its own tone and use of the word.
For instance, take the word ‘kind’. It is a verb, and in English used to also group entities, and kinds of things. In Turkish, ‘kind’ is more personified, courteous, polite and at times, meek and tame. The latter of the two is a little passive and I had to pause to figure out which meaning was used and in what context.
An unsurprising awe of self-doubt is created, one I have seen many carry on to adulthood. It turns into a bit of sh*t- splatter, all over the other aspects of your life. You don't mean to, it just does.
This isn't just for those bilingual, but an around-the-ball, lack of understanding of the world around you. It taught me to focus on expression, what does it mean? How do I interpret what was said? Have I understood it correctly?
Was it me?
I quite quickly began to think I was the one to understand it incorrectly. In some way, I was taking the blame for someone's ill expression, anger and problem. This was during my teenage years and a little into my 20s. Sometimes, when really emotional in my 30s.
The mixed signals and misunderstandings caused many inner battles, and then these mixed signals and differences started to fascinate me.
Logically, I knew I could not control everyone's expression, so I would clarify what I had to say, 'Sorry, I may have not made myself clear enough. What I meant was...'. Somewhat trying to eliminate the way said it being the problem.
I noticed quite quickly, no matter how many times I say it, they had to make the choice to actively listen.
Expression and perception.
I had to shift my expression and my perception to help emotional regulation.
As a young person, I went through a righteous phase, picture this, me with braces and vigilantly correcting people around me if I felt they were using the wrong word to describe something. What an annoying knobhead, I was.
This confusion, and somewhat fascination lead me to read, and then into writing. I took to writing and questioning through my journaling. I wrote and questioned things.
At first, these questions were personal, they were a projection. It was to justify an emotion or to point the finger at someone that made me feel that way.
Over time, that proved to be no help. It was immature and clearly needed nurturing. I eventually learned that the trick was to change my style of questioning. Questions that can help me strengthen my emotional being.
I used these questions to journal and expand my understanding of how I want to approach a situation, it helped regulate my emotions and feel more confident in my responses.
Journal prompts
Other than frustration, what am feeling? Why?
What did I want the outcome of this situation to be?
Why has it bothered me?
What am I taking personally?
Knowing I can not control the behaviour of others, how do I walk away from this situation?
How can I respond next time?
The Mind is a Muscle
My belief is the mind is a muscle and needs resistance training like any other muscle in our body and I still work on it today. I will probably work on it for the rest of my life. As life changes, so do the things I need I manage emotionally.
Evidently, when dealing with my challenges around projection, I taught myself to question things correctly. I taught myself that the trick was using the right language to learn and expand my knowledge rather than the questions that were led by my ego.
This looked like, ‘why did they say that?’, ‘What have I done?’, and ‘why me?’. I stepped away from analysing the situation. To move forward and subjectively and practically move away from it.
I speak of this today, as today I walked around a little bland, with no real reason to either, except that I felt lost. Never the one to run out of topics to discuss and share, I was running thin.
Feeling lost, stuck and th
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